I’m a lot more interesting than my bowels permit.

That’s right, I’m going to talk about poo. I’m going to talk about how often I poo, and how much of a hinderance it becomes on one’s life to spend copious amounts of the day on the toilet. I’m going to talk about it because I have a lot of experience with it. Mostly though, I’m going to vent my frustrations of my health with all the no no words I learned in middle school because my situation has depressed me and I need to remind myself that life is more than logging my stool into an app on my phone.

Aside from not being graced as one of the lucky Americans with health insurance, nor one of the morally depraved individuals that see no harm in breeding to live off of government benefits, the most depressing thing about having poor health is trying to continue living.

Most of you that have been directed to this page already know me, or some form of me that I  show to the public via Facebook or Twitter. What you may not know, or perhaps have innocently forgotten is that the me you know online is barely recognizable compared to the me in real life because it’s such a tiny speck in the mess of my life.

I’ve lost friends due to my health which created some very serious social anxiety. I hid away in my nest of insecurity content with hiding from the world and its evil glares. Then, being a rather social creature under normal circumstances, I realized how sad I was because I missed my friends. I even managed to remind myself that those relationships were not what I would call “extraordinary” either. Sure, I loved them, but some of them seemed to overlook all that I am and only accept a small portion that they agreed with. Others I stopped talking to because those relationships were unhealthy.

Along with the fresh wounds of the yesteryear, I have an acclimation of scars from 24 years of being the sheltered, awkward, and overweight girl who so many people found great joy in bullying. Well bullies, the jokes on you. I actually love bringing joy to other people. End sarcasm. I do love bringing joy to the lives of others, I do not, under any circumstance condone bullying. And so- support #LoveIsLouder.

While pooping and insecurity plays a large role in my life it is not what my life is or is about. Nor is this blog. I aim to introduce a deeper, more hidden part of me in the romanticized charming candor that I often buzz about life with when I’m not on the toilet or writhing in pain. The purpose of this blog is a full-scale excavation into the very depths of the individual you see when I’m standing in front of you weary of your judgement. My mind is bursting with opinions and revelations and nothing is off-limits.

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